Smilania

Dear Diary:

We should not have done it. It has never been as bad as this: I almost had sex with my ?brother?? and since then we hardly talk anymore. It was not even good, we did not fit at all and then whole time I was thinking about ? I this were a bad movie I would have probably screemed out his name loudly.
Before we started making out we were actually talking about as I am wondering if all my affection towards him might just come from a projection of all my deepest wishes on him (like having kids and being a happy family)? maybe he could be replaced by just anyone? And it is not really him what I need but that loving feeling he gives me? Why is everything so complicated?

Then the morning after the first thing I read is this sweet mail from saying that while he is writing this to me in the middle of the night I am having sweet dreams which soothe away all the tension from a hard day at work? oh if he only knew that his little bad princess was not sleeping at all that night. And for the little time I had my eyes closed I was dreaming about data analysis? how sad is that.
I felt so weird after all that I hang out with my poet friend all day instead of going to work? he showed me his latest poems and we talked about it. Also we were discussing why in a religion called Sikhism they see attachment right next to lust, anger , pride and greed as a bad thing? Is attachment really that bad? so and I are actually right in trying not to get too attached to each other? We have not seen for 2 weeks now just to cool down again? but today he sent me some pictures of himself to work to cheer me up a little. So sexy and I even had a good day in sharing today so he cheered not only me up but our whole department. I actually stayed at work until 2 in the morning that night? entering data and chatting with my soulmate from Denmark. At one point I seriously thought about sleeping right there on the couch. But this would have been really a little too nerdy and so took a cab home where I had a cute message from waiting for me on my answering machine.

Kiss
Christianerella
15.4.05 05:13
 


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